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A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runner's heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agent's heart because he said it had never been used.



Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

 Indignant, the man replied, "You cannot do this - I am an IRS agent!"

 "In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"



A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.

Sincerely,

Taxpayer


P. S. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.



A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," his friend asked, "Do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."



One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his arms around the boy, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

On the Lighter Side